Ken Dodd Burns Down

Physically hideous veteran comic, and sadist icon, Ken Dodd has burnt down.

Fire fighters battled in vein through the night to save the buck-toothed welk, in what turned out to be the worst celebrity fire that the British Isles has seen since Lorraine Kelly's tits accidentally burnt off during GMTV in 1998.

Investigators do not suspect foul play and believe that it was most likely caused by faulty wiring in a recently refurbished testes satchel.

Dodd, 89, was famous for his love of cannibalism and his hilarious impressions of murderer Peter Sutcliffe, but it was a controversial appearance on Parkinson in 1987, in which a crazed Dodd repeatedly stabbed a frail Rod Hull to death in a sustained and unprovoked attack, that he will be best remembered for. A crime he would later serve 3 years for in a gay prison. Dodd later described the experience in his autobiography as "Fucking great", "A good laugh" and "The best years of my life".