Pol Pot's and Bus Stops

A West Midlands bus company has been forced to suspend all services to and from Dunstable, after an unprecedented amount of complaints from the public over it's controversial policy of employing deposed, and in some cases deceased, dictators.

Earlier in the week passengers on the number 72 were said to be "shocked" and "Sickened" when they found Ugandan Butcher, Idi Amin, inspecting tickets. Matters were made worse by the driver, believed to be Pol Pot, who continuously used foul and abusive language towards some of the elderly travelers.

Things finally came to a head on Thursday evening when Pope John Paul II was discovered, on the top deck, weeping uncontrollably onto the shoulder of Adolf Hilter. Some unconfirmed reports claim Hilter was without his trousers.

Fossilized Nazi

The fossilized remains of a 50,000 year old Nazi have been discovered in the Mexican desert. Scientists believe it to be one of the earliest examples of its kind found, which dates back as far as Neanderthal man.

The find, which can be clearly seen saluting and wearing full Nazi uniform, marks a significant historical break-through, and will be raffled off this weekend to help raise funds for St. Edmund's Hospice in Surrey.

Queen to Open Arsehole to Public

The Queen is to re-open her Arsehole to the public for the first time in over 60 years. It was last opened to the public in 1944 to celebrate the end of the second world war, in which it famously received a direct hit from a German bomber!

Some of the worlds most valuable treasures will be on display inside, many of which suffered extensive smoke damage during a fire in the late 80's.

Due to the threat of possible terrorist attacks, stringent security measures will be in place, including sniffer-dogs, metal detectors and a policeman with a gun.

Entrance will cost £5 and refreshments will be available.

Countdown Homophobic Racists?

Countdown are at it again. Just a couple of months ago they gave us the classic 'MINGES' episode (which can be seen a couple of posts down). Now it appears producers are tackling homosexual rights and race relations in one swoop by inviting a contestant onto the show called Gay Black. Unlike her name sake, she is a elderly middle class white woman, more likely to be seen at the W.I. that at a Gay Pride March or Black Panther rally.

Gordon Burns Rare Egg Omelettes

Former Krypton Factor presenter and sex addict Gordon Burns was this week sentenced to 40 years in a state of the art underwater prison, after it was emerged he was selling illegal omelettes, made from extremely rare lizard eggs, to children at a local primary school. The eggs, which Burns had stolen himself from Oxbury Reptile Enclosure, are thought to be from the the endangered Gwappo Lizard, and if eaten can cause extremely sore balls and in some cases AIDS.

Burns, 72, will not appeal against the judgment.

Serial Ant Killer Claims 9th Victim

The body of a elderly ant has been found dead in a quiet suburb of Manchester, police confirmed today. The body was discovered by a man out walking his dog in the early hours of the morning. This brings the death toll upto nine in the last two weeks. Police are now connecting all nine deaths and admit they may well be dealing with a serial killer.

The ant is beleived to have suffered horrific head and body injuries probably caused by a large shoe or foot, much like the ones found on the previous eight victims.

The ant, known locally as Jim was 72, he is said to have been "a cheerful character who wouldn't harm a fly"

A neighbour of the deceased ant, who wished to remain anominous, told us this "I knew Jim quite well. I used to leave a sugary picnic out in my back garden for him every morning. He would be in his element squirming about amongst the sweaty Opal Fruits. I'm going to miss the little f*cker".