Donald Trumps

Multi millionaire Donald Trump shocked TV audiences last night when he broke wind during a live interview with CNN's Ashraf Qazi.

Far from accidently 'letting one slip', when asked about his "amazing hairstyle", Trump dropped his pants to his ankles and farted directly into the mouth of a stunned Qazi, before storming out of the studio.

Producers tried in vein to entice Trump back into the studio with plates of chicken stock and freeze dried snails, to no avail.

Qazi later described the bowel emission as smelling something similar to an elephant with full blown AIDS and an elf wearing a leather jacket.

Queen to Open Arsehole to Public

The Queen is to re-open her Arsehole to the public for the first time in over 60 years. It was last opened to the public in 1944 to celebrate the end of the second world war, in which it famously received a direct hit from a German bomber!

Some of the worlds most valuable treasures will be on display inside, many of which suffered extensive smoke damage during a fire in the late 80's.

Due to the threat of possible terrorist attacks, stringent security measures will be in place, including sniffer-dogs, metal detectors and a policeman with a gun.

Entrance will cost £5 and refreshments will be available.

Sir Ann Widdecombe Lays Egg

Troll-like Conservative MP for Maidstone and Alaska, Sir Ann Widdecombe, caused uproar in the House of Commons this afternoon when she gave birth to a large, sweaty egg.

The incident took place during Priministers Questions and left many MP's feeling distraught. David Cameron could clearly be seen weeping like a child, while Tony Blair had to be "cleaned-up" by his mother after physically shitting himself with fear.

Sir Ann (72), who is famed for her massive testicles, was unapologetic about her offensive egg shat. "I don't know what all the fuss is about. I simply hitched up my skirt, squatted and eased that greasy lump out. It seemed the perfectly natural thing to do".

MP Margaret Beckett was not so understanding. "Unfortunatley I was sitting close by, as a result I had an explicitly clear view of the incident. The smell was gut-wrentching, I will never forget that smell, never".

The egg has since been held by police for questioning.