U2 Bono Vision

Self proclaimed Jesus of Dublin and all round irritating poverty slag, Bono, has appeared in a vision to a group of nuns at a holy shrine in Peru.

The group of five nuns claim the vision appeared to them as they preyed at The Rock of Mamboona, the place where God was invented, and asked them to make poverty history, before wiping his shitty arse on a £50 note and vanishing into thin air.

Police later found and arrested a vision matching Bono's description, selling stolen aftershave and razor blades, in a nearby bar.

A statement from Bono's management has since been released: "Bono would like to make it clear to the public that his visions are franchised, and as such, he (Bono) can bare no responsibility for their actions."

This comes a year after a mirage of Sting was cleared of felling trees without a permit and twelve accounts of Tantric Buggery.