Tesco's Celebrity Spunk Factory

Controversy surrounds the Tesco's supermarket chain this week as it revealed plans to stock and sell Celebrity Semen to shoppers across the country.

Tesco Chief executive Terry Leaky believes it's a fantastic idea and that the new product will be "lapped up" by young girls eager to have celebrity hybrid children of their own.

"Girls these days don't want just any old common spunk. They want only the best A-list celebrity spunk, and why not!"

"Young girls feel closer than ever to their idols and we believe this is a fantastic way of helping them be part of that vacuous and pretentious lifestyle."

But not all celebrity donors are equal, and where a 25ml jar of Jude Law's yield will set you back £300, girls on lower incomes will most likely have to settle for a pint of Ralph Little or a litre of Chris Moyles, both of which will be priced at around 50p.

Over one hundred celebrities have signed up to get involved, and Robbie Williams has already agreed to do a one-off, promotional "Milking" session with the public.

To help launch Tesco's jizz-fest, this months issue of Girl Guide Magazine comes with a free turkey baster and a trial size sachet of Gareth Gates slop.